What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 01:25
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
HBO’s New Movie Fiercely Splits Critics & Audiences On Rotten Tomatoes - Screen Rant
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I waited trembling.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
What is the craziest thing that you've ever witnessed?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She loved him until the end.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why do people who were very kind and loving once become cold-hearted?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Should India conduct another air strike to attack Pakistan over the Pahalgam attack?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So whats the point in blame.
Why does Boko Haram attack its own Muslims?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
All the time i was locked up.
Do all you people that took the "jab" feel lied to yet?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Two Ocean Bands Are Warming Faster Than Ever — What This Means for Our Climate - The Daily Galaxy
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
PlayStation State of Play June 2025: Everything Announced - IGN
Why did i forgive my father ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
S&P Dow Jones Makes No Changes to S&P 500 in Quarterly Rebalance - Bloomberg
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What did i know ?
What species of fish are horse mackerels?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was scared of men, in general
We've Finally Seen The Skyscraper Tsunami That Shook Earth For 9 Days - ScienceAlert
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it wasn’t much.
When she asked me how she looked .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I write beautiful poetry .
He knew the spot.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I couldn’t, believe it.
It was going to be , some day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So, i spoilt her more .
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Would this be the day?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was very sick at this time too.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But, we were locked up after school.
And i lived it daily.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One cannot live in the past .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She was in good health!
My life is so biszare .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I said to her
I was seconnd youngest,
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She found it foreign!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was 9 years of age.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ive learnt so much.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Put me off passion for life!!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She married twice! .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I will be 64.
I have no regrets .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But ive been too sick for many years..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Comes on , in middle age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We were not on the streets..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I never cut or harmed myself..
This is soul school!.
Who then, do I blame.?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im still living with it.